You’re walking through the produce section of your local grocery chain, making a wide right turn around the garlic cloves. Suddenly, right in front of you: The largest cardboard bin of pumpkins you’ve ever seen! Big ones, small ones, many literally as big as your head. It’s a pumpkin smorgasbord!…
From Mike in Lancaster, PA: Braaaaiinnnnsss!! Grab the machete, board up the doors and windows because it’s time to prepare for the brain eating and bloodthirsty zombies that will scuffle into our communities at any time completely unannounced. The undead will rise again, so it’s essential to pack your first…
Exercise is just a lie told by the health nuts and marathon sponsors. I’ve lived for millennia. I’ve traveled across time and lived through all the major rises and falls of civilizations around the world. When I was young, I hunted and gathered, I followed the buffalo, and I built…
Monsters believe in taking care of ourselves and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. “In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1,000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep…
“Ooh eeh ooh ah aah ting tang walla walla bing bang”
See, humans and monsters do have some things in common.
Monsters understand the benefits of exercise. While most people power walk in place of their lunch break or go for a jog after dinner, monsters prefer to combine their mealtime with cardio work. Since they’re chased almost as often as they chase others, it is important to maintain a high…
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