477. Monsters Like that Humans who Become Inevitably Bound with Machines only Turn into Soulless, Technology-Driven Killers, Unable to Access Their Diminishing Humanity as They Spiral Further and Further into a Sadistic State of Techno-Fascism
476. Monsters Like Sticking to the Increasingly Unaffordable McMansion Market Even Though All Their Friends are Downsizing
Think about this. When is the last time you heard about a haunted tiny house? Never. Tiny houses have one room where you sleep, cook, and shower basically in the same room. There are no haunted tiny houses. Ghosts like to spook around mansions and big houses with attics and…
475. Monsters Like a Lack of Photons in the Spatial Array of Input Data to our Ocular Sensory Observations
It’s the dark, people. The dark. It’s just a fancy way of saying that monsters like when the lights go out. That’s all.
471. Monsters Like Celebratory Child Sacrifice [Holiday Edition]
The internet loves cats. You can’t shake a dead cat around the internet without running into another picture of a cat. But if you’re a child, you don’t want to encounter Iceland’s Yule Cat around Christmas. Because if you do, it means two things: You’ve been lazy and did not…
470. Monsters Like Taking a Few Extra Minutes Every Morning to Dress Their Best for Success
After all, mom always said that “Clothes make the monster”. Well mom, I’m going to be the best monster I can be, starting with taking pride in my appearance. Anyone can terrify children. That’s easy. But can they look this classy while doing it? I don’t think so.
469. Monsters Like that Flashlights Never Work
We read somewhere that a flashlight was really just a plastic tube to store dead batteries inside. And boy, do we monsters know it? We thrive in the darkness. Flashlights do not. This is why we will always win. If you want our advice, don’t take the time to fidget…
464. Monsters Like When the Lights Go out in Your Bedroom, and Your Mind Swiftly Remembers Every Single Horror Movie You’ve Ever Seen, and Suddenly, Like Magic, All the Creepy Horror Characters are There in Your Room, Standing in the Corner, Waiting for You to Fall Asleep
463. Monsters Like When You Split up into Groups of Two
Somehow, you’ve gotten yourself locked overnight in an abandoned mansion and your friends are dropping dead right and left. Somewhere in the house is a murderer. And if you don’t find them, you could be the next fine cube cut. “Let’s split up,” you say. “Find the killer before he…
