169. Monsters Like Bludgeoning
A low-tech method with high-end results.
162. Monsters Like Hidden Prizes in Your Candy
Hidden prizes such as poison, razor blades, cocaine, sleeping pills, drugs, needles, gooey centers of LSD, rusty safety pins, syringes, and broken glass. Diabetes is only the beginning of your troubles. Enjoy children. Eat up.
161. Monsters Like When You Mistake an Invasion for a Weather Balloon
Usually it’s the other way around. Puny humans look to the skies and see clouds, or airplanes, or planets, or weather balloons, and fear my planet is invading. You couldn’t be more wrong. And we love you for that. Well, we love you for your planet’s resources and for how…
159. Monsters Like Being Famous
Sure. We like to get out; have a night on the town. If you lived your whole life ruling a swamp, eating nothing but possum, alligators, and drunken rednecks, you would need to blow off a little steam too. I call up my peeps Franky and Bones and we hit da…
158. Monsters Like Having Real Estate Named After Them
Nothing makes the story of a horrific tragedy more frightening than when the location is named after it. Buildings, forests, mountains. It doesn’t matter. By proxy, the place becomes even more terrifying when you name it after some poor, wandering soul. Someone who is believed to have died there by…
157. Monsters Like Providing Biting Commentary About your Bourgeois, Consumer, Hum-drum, Routine, Mindless Automaton Lives
156. Monsters Like Serendipitously Finding Carelessly Placed Body Parts
It’s the Zombie Apocalypse. You have a lot of things on your mind. Survival, food, shelter, and that little problem of keeping the remaining human race alive. It’s going to be a big day. Suddenly, you’re surrounded. The zombies have you now, and they are closing in. You should have…
148. Monsters Like When the Butler Did It
I think you humans underestimate the amount of planning, effort, and preparation that goes into creating a global apocalypse. It’s a project that takes up more of a monster’s time than we care to admit. And while we’re busy tracking down black market uranium on Craigslist, sometimes we let our…
