417. Monsters Like that Humans Will Swerve their Cars off the Road to Miss a Phantasmagoric Ghost that they Could Just Pass Right through yet Kill themselves in the Horrible Flaming Accident that Results
416. Monsters Like that The Simpsons Never Freaking Missed a Halloween Special, and They’re the Best Episodes Ever
Woo Hoo!
414. Monsters Like Demanding the Usage of Formal Gender Qualifiers
413. Monsters Like Pet Care
If you’re away on business, or running away from something horrible, or too busy being dead, who is going to care for your pets? At least until you rise from the grave in the form of a godawful abomination. The monsters! That’s who. We care. We’ll feed your pets. We’ll…
410. Monsters Like When Everyone Realizes Humans Were the Real Monsters All Along
Ruh oh!
409. Monsters Like Having Distorted Body Images
A million eyes? Looks more like six to us. Something seems to have a really augmented view of their own monster body. Look. You’re awesome just the way you are. You’re terrifying even if you don’t have a million eyes. Our advice is that you should just accept your half-dozen…
406. Monsters Like Being Genetically Modified
Monsanto has nothing on me. They’re just a bunch of old hacks in lab coats. How quaint. Remember, I was the original GMOnster.
405. Monsters Like Fine Leatherwork
We monsters are, shall we say, connoisseurs of the finer things in life. We like our wine red, our clothing silken and frilly, and our best bookshelf tomes bound in leather. Fine leather. The finest, actually. And when binding your grimoire of spells and magik, a cowskin won’t do. Those…
